Don't worry, be happy....and by happy, I mean asleep.

I will find a way through.   The last month or so has been very difficult.   I want to be happy.  I need rest from it all. The question....

Do I believe in love anymore?

Is love a real feeling, or is it the mental musings of a decision, a deliberate intent to "be somebody" to someone who is arbitrarily deemed to be special.   Is love real?  Is it a contrived thing?

I don't know if I believe in love.  I have been through a lot over the years.

Despite it all, I know that I want to believe in it.

Maybe that will have to be enough.  For now, I just need some sleep.   I'd rather dream it over, thank think it over.   night.

They're dropping around me like autumn leaves from a great maple tree

So many clues.
I know who it is.

You know who you are.....and yeah, I'm pretty sure I know who he is.
In fact, I'm a dad who's got his boots on, because he's pretty sure of who the nouveau man is.

Was that enough hint-back?

a favorite DM song

naïve

the past 20 days

I have been working.

At a job that I don't like.

Making less than is needful to make ends meet.

And finding less time(since I work at night) to see friends.

So my life, has been BLAH>


Not BAD, per se.

Just....Blah.

One of the worst parts is....

I left my iPod in Idaho Falls(at my parents' house)

So, all night I could be rockin' to my music, but NOOOOOOOOOO

I ain't got no iPod.
*sniffle*


Are you feeling bad for me yet?

Didn't think so.

Life could be worse.
I have my health.
I have friends and family who care.

So, I am still pretty grateful.
Things will get better
(I just pray that happens soon)

Next update in....20 days? 40 days? Who knows!!!

Karma Police

Arrest this man
He talks in maths
he buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

Karma Police
arrest this girl
her halo hairdo
is makin' me feel ill
and we have crashed her party

This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get
When you mess with us

Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll

This is what you get

For a minute
I lost myself
I lost myself

Phew! For a minute
I lost myself!

O Radiohead...you continue to give and give! (And employ some of my favorite words!)

Shell smashed, juices flowing
Wings twitch, legs are going
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

You know where you are with
Floor collapsing
Floating, bouncing back
Hysterical and useless

Hysterical and... Let down and hanging around
Crushed ......like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Charity Standing Orders

Fitter, happier,
more productive,
comfortable
Regular exercise at the gym
3 days a week
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
at ease
Eating well, no more microwave dinИers and saturated fats
A patient better driver, a safer car
baby smiling in back seat
Sleeping well
no bad dreams
no paraИoia
Careful to all animals
never washing spiders down the plughole
Keep in contact with old frieИds, enjoy a drink now and then
Will frequently check credit at moral bank, hole in wall
Favors for favors, foИd but not in love
Charity staИding orders
on sundays
ring road supermarket
No killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants
Car wash, also on sundays
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
Иothing so ridiculously teeИage and desperate
nothing so childish
At a better pace
slower and more calculated
no chaИce of escape
Now self-employed, concerned, but powerless
An empowered and informed member of society
pragmatism Иot idealism
Will not cry in public
less chance of illness
tires that grip in the wet
Shot of baby strapped in back seat
a good memory
still cries at a good film
Still kisses with saliva
Иo longer empty and fraИtic
like a cat tied to a stick
Thats driven into frozen wiИter shit
the ability to laugh at weakness
Calm
fitter
healthier
and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on aИtibiotics



A Special Thank You to Radiohead for helping me express this

moving

to Idaho Falls today

Merry Christmas

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Glory to God.
Jesus Christ is our Savior.
The Great Redeemer of mankind.

This is truly a time of "good tidings of great joy"
Peace and goodwill towards men.

jobless

Going to Idaho Falls

my mind wanders far these days....

"this sun is a star in someone else's sky
this moon surely makes someone else cry"

I don't know what that all means, but it has a sort of cosmic sense to it.
Maybe it's just the mood I am in.

Yeah, it's probably the latter.


about Nine Inch Nails
The concert is 1 week from today.
I don't have a ticket, but I'd love to say "Thrice have I seen NIИ!"
I don't think I have the dough to go :(
Oh well...
I guess there are worse things in life(as I'm sure SOMEONE will affirm)


I've been thinking a lot about going to school lately.
Maybe that will straighten out my head.
Perhaps I should be an English Teacher or a Linguistics Professor!?!?!?
I've been told that I would do great at such endeavors, but I have to wonder if that's the nice way of friends saying, "You're an insufferable and condescending prick. Stop correcting my grammar!"

I love 'em anyway - those crazy friends - - bad grammar and all!

Does anybody else make the ongoing effort to better his/her grammar? Does this matter to anybody but me?

You're not expected to answer that. Some of you aren't SUPPOSED to answer. HA!

pensando en ti

hasta que me olvides
y me rompa en mil pedazos
continuar mi gran teatro
hasta que me olvides

listening to some music.

With the light coming in
My desire to give in runs away with me
If I'm not good enough and my love is too much
Then forget it
Now I am strong carry me home
You can take it or leave it
God help me but forgive my true intention
It hurts me but I've nowhere left to run
All this time still falling out of love



Erasure.




are they reaching for each other, or slipping away?

What have I been up to?

Since I last posted, a lot has happened.
I'm just now realizing this and decided that it's time to post anew.

And it came to pass(in the past 2 weeks)
1. I cavorted with a group of my friends.
2. Pay-day came and went.
3. Obamanation began. I'm not very happy about that one.
4. A girl and I sang an old song together...One we both knew from an obscure musical.
5. I lost a friend.....because she decided that I am no good.
6. I had a few moments of having my pants half-off in a woman's bedroom.
7. Work had me down for the first time. I recovered.
8. I was invited to enjoy an evening at a strip club.
9. I declined to attend a strip club.
10. I received a letter from my mother. Those are always nice.
11. I kissed a girl. Those are always nice too!
12. I fasted for a 24 hour period.
13. Became a fledgling fan of all things Morrissey, (I know, it's about time)
14. Voted.
15. I was told by someone that this someone loved me; (as a friend-maybe more)
16. Drank some near beer. O'Douhl's Rules!
17. Was called Mr. Rodgers at work for my choice of conservative attire.
18. Used my webcam.
19. Had my children tell me funny stories.


Well, I can't think of anything else right now. But that was quite a lot, don't you think?

The divorced life has it's roller coaster moments.
I'm rolling with the punches......and not pulling any along the way either.

Till next time...ciao!

I come from the water.....

So it's another Monday and it seems that this is the day that I post new blog entries.

:)


As such, here goes....

I find myself reflecting on the year 2008. A lot has changed for me. I've been through a lot. I've learned a lot about myself. I've progressed. (I've taken steps back as well). Plenty of adversity has presented itself before me.

I've struggled to be happy.

I went through divorce and would ask myself, "When is my life going to start again?" It's been tumultuous at best.

I've found myself returning to the beginning. Aren't all thing cyclical? We go back to the start when we feel lost. We have to ....to orient ourselves anew and recover our bearings.

All of a sudden I was doing things that I'd previously told myself I'd "never do again"
Maybe I shouldn't speak for ALL people, but I've found that there's a tendency to go back to what was comfortable before the relationship, when that relationships ends.

Heck!....I even started listening to music that I hadn't bothered with for years....because it was part of the nostalgia and effort to bring myself back to another time(before her)

Despite this tendency, and indulgence, I realized something about myself.......I don't want to be who I was before. I can better ...I should be more.

This isn't an easy mandate to follow.
How am I going to get there? (God will help me)
It's a mystery. (I gotta have faith)

I don't really see what the future holds, but I know I am trying to form it....so I better make it good.

One thing's for sure as I ponder 2008(so far)......It's been a wild ride!!!!

I don't know that I'd do it this way over again....but I'm happy to be where I am.
current problems and all.

Suffice it to say; I smile more than I have in a long time.
That sums it up pretty well, I think.

Cheers.

Happy image

over the weekend

I had the pleasure of seeing my children and spending some time with them.
Lately, I will admit that I have not been as good a dad as I could be.
I made it a point to really spend time with my kids having fun.
I've redoubled my efforts and focus on actual parenting.
(i know! what a concept!!!!!)

Sam(11) and I had fun playing battleship together.
Jonah(5) assisted his big brother in the efforts to blow me out of the water!!!!

Michael made paper airplanes and I helped the other kids to make some.
They made up all kinds of games for plane flying competitions. It was fun to participate and just see these kids flying around the room(as well as flying their paper airplanes around)

We went to the library
(Yeah, I know....not my thing...)
My kids were ecstatic to get a few books and have dad read to them.

I put a particular book on hold(they were all checked out at the time) that I'd like to read to my children. My mom read the book to me when I was a wee lad. Now I'd like to do so for my kids. Comment and I'll tell you what book it was.
(do I sound desperate for comments? Hmm.... Maybe I am)
:)
We listened to some family favorite rock and roll(queen) "We will rock you" and "Another one bites the dust". That's all it took for my daughter Libby who was very intent on dancing with me....So we had a daddy/daughter dance.

All in all, it was fun fun fun.
I lost focus as a parent for a while.
I'm not perfect.....but my kids are perfectly wonderful!
I love my kids.

Remember to hug yours
Tell them how much you love them.....and that you think they're pretty special!
(they are!!!!)

PEACE!

What I crave....

The holidays are upon us.
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Christmas
Then New Year's Day


For right now, I have a singular focus....
I must have something in particular





Pumpkin bars!
and not just ANY pumpkin bars......frosted pumpkin bars!!!!!!



Yes, there is always the option of SCOURING the internet to find the best recipe....trial and error.

But I prefer to use my blog to go fetch this information for me.
So.....
If you're reading this blog and you'd like to offer your FAVORITE pumpkin bar recipe(complete with frosting instructions) I'd love to try it.

Happy October to you!

MERESULKY

for friday

.......something relaxing

boldly!

I ATTEMPTED a post previously that dealt with this subject....got a little embarrassed and removed it.

I'm back with it.

Here it is.
Putting my best foot forward
(well, technically not MY foot, but a pretty one nonetheless)

random lyric
"The only thing
I've seen that's cool in my life
is a mom who loves a child and
a man who loves his wife"

Thank you, O powerful and gracious Jennifer P
:)